...

How can I love you

when I know 

that you must someday leave?

My throat already tight,

trying to keep captive

the love that dances inside me

to the rhythm of my heart beat,

a mournful tune

already crying for a love

that has only just begun.

Why should I love you

when I know

that only pain shall come of it?

My eyes that look at you

with desire and compassion

already anticipate 

the tears that threaten

to become a fixture

in my life after you.

© Antonio Beardall

A Game of Words

The golden crown of reverence

Upon an aged head sits,

Casts an empty light of glamour

Beating the ‘strange’ to bits.

Your words amaze the plebs’ delight

And weaklings sing your praise,

Your monarch pen can cast them stars

To keep them full for days.

Your words lack tact but pass as law

And thoughts are hymns and creed,

Within your sight they genuflect

And your commandments heed.

Run the shadows, fleeing bellows

That strange a picture paint,

Not to follow royal decrees

To keep it ever quaint.

Spout your meters, lifeless verses

In lines of two or four,

And shining gems not your color 

Please gladly do ignore.

© Antonio Beardall

Acceptance

Sober... You were sober

empty of regret

and smiling

as we promised for tomorrow

another blissful union

In my dream,

my hallucination,

you were love

and I was the rain

that nourished you

Deep in your eyes

I swam in calm waters,

your words lyrical

your tone the harp strings

that played our song

Absent was sorrow

for only warmth and comfort

could fit in between

our tight embrace.

our eyes entranced

And as the sun rose

so did my eyes open

beholding the emptiness

that is my room

and was my heart

© Antonio Beardall

At A Glance

In my dreams

all I see are glimpses of you

through the parting grass

Your scent carried softly

like a sad memory

to my receptors

I run after you

“Chase me” you call

teasing, laughing, hiding

But I can never run fast enough

held back by weeds

that trap your fading voice

And unto the clearing

I finally see you standing

back turned, face to the sun

Breathless I run to you

and wake up to realize

I have forgotten your face

© Antonio Beardall

Bitter Buffet

I don't want smiles

to brighten my day,

save your joy

but share your misery

in this potluck

of misfortune,

savour my ingratitude

that a new day

brought only wretched sunlight

to do away with soothing night

Spare me metaphors

of wounds healing,

as the dawn rises from dusk

these scars still tingle,

and this severed vein

shall bleed eternally,

with no sweet wish

thick enough

to be my tourniquet

© Antonio Beardall

Brian

Why do I yearn

to run again and again

through fields of black wheat?

Aromatic poison wafting

through smiles of decoration,

and lips so hot they breathe fire

upon kisses

Radioactive signs mean nothing,

when chemicals blind

and you walk into danger

under the guise of free will

Still, if Jesus stood upon

blackened mounts with befouled earth,

i would crawl through sludge and over

the brokenhearted to get another parable

© Antonio Beardall

Chinatown Back Alley

They threatened us.

Death spat in my face,
my lover at my side
crying and begging
for another chance

Funny how I can remember
the smell of rotting vegetables
in the dank of midnight steam,
cats fighting,
maybe trying not to become
steak on the menu

Guns in my face
yelling “DEATH TO FAGS,”
not as terrible
as the scuff on my shoe,
embracing Death,
and asking to be carried away

Even the gunshot
did not distract me
from focusing on a cockroach
busy nibbling on rotting cabbage,
and as They ran off
I sank into sadness
as his blood touched me
and left me alive

© Antonio Beardall